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Slow your aging – you control how fast you age

You didn’t want your son or daughter to die young. You never imagined the enormity of that type of loss. You may not know how to move forward. You have no control over all of that. But amid your grief, it’s really important to know that the speeding bullet of grief is also accelerating your aging.

This may not be important to you at this point in time. I get that. If the loss is still fresh, read my posts on self-care to learn different ways you can take care of yourself. You can return to this blog post later. Losing your child has such a huge impact on your own health. I do know with certainty that your child would not want you to suffer more physically because of their death.

Even if you feel like crawling in a hole or staying in bed all day with the blanket over your head, it’s not possible. As a woman, you have many responsibilities.

Your responsibilities haven’t stopped

Maybe you have grandchildren or parents that you are caring for. You may still be working full or part-time. You may have a long list of other personal or professional obligations. Life has a way of pulling us forward whether we like it or not. And to fulfill those responsibilities, you have to be able to function – even at a diminished capacity.

So, read on if/when you’re ready to learn how to slow or reverse the inevitable hit your body has taken. The information below does not take into account the loss of a child, so please read with that in mind. This information is helpful, though, if you are at a point where you want to move forward (little by little) and start helping your physical body heal (as much as it can at this stage).

You have more control over how fast you age than you may think. And it is possible to begin reversing the decline the loss caused physically.

According to Henry S. Lodge, M.D., “70 percent of aging is voluntary…you do not have to do it. And you can also skip 50 percent of all the sickness and serious accidents you’d expect to have from the day you turn fifty until the day you die. Skip ‘em. Altogether.”

“Younger Next Year for Women”

I’ve started reading Younger Next Year for Women. Live like You’re 50 – Strong, Fit, Sexy – Until You’re 80 and Beyond. This book has given me hope that I don’t have to live with stiffness, aches and pains, and weight gain that seemed to magnify after Liam’s passing.

Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge, M.D. wrote the book. Crowley (male) is a former litigator who became a friend, then a patient, and then a living example of the effectiveness of Dr. Lodge’s program.

Henry (Harry) Lodge, M.D. specializes in internal medicine and preventative healthcare.

Their first book, Younger Next Year, published in 2005, became a bestseller in the New York Times, USA Today, and the Wall Street Journal. While the core principles apply to both men and women, this version is tailored for women.

Your body is either growing or decaying

Dr. Lodge’s work is based on the latest findings in cell physiology, evolutionary biology, anthropology, and experimental psychology. Dr. Lodge writes how our bodies are programmed to do one of two things: grow or decay.

Many of the things we do in our daily lives today feed decay. And the extreme stress you experience from losing a child definitely falls into the bucket of things that feed decay. But you can signal your body to grow instead of decay by doing certain things.

This is not about some magic pill that will reverse aging. There are action steps called “Harry’s Rules” that, when followed, can significantly affect how fast you “grow or decay.”

Dr. Lodge writes various chapters in the book that address the basis for his research and the science behind his recommendations.

Crowley, as someone who has gone through Dr. Lodge’s program, brings a directness mixed with enthusiasm and humor to the reader.

Harry’s Rules

The book outlines these seven rules:

1. Exercise six days a week for the rest of your life.
2. Do serious aerobic exercise four days a week for the rest of your life.
3. Do serious strength training, with weights, two days a week for the rest of your life.
4. Spend less than you make.
5. Quit eating crap!
6. Care.
7. Connect and Commit.

OK, stay with me. I realize after reading #1, #2, and #3, you may be thinking, “Nope. Can. Not. Do. That. No way. Ain’t happening!! I hardly exercise now, so how can I do that?!?”

Believe me, I hear you, especially when your body is probably still fatigued from the loss. These rules are not intended to go from zero to 100 tomorrow. These are the ultimate goals to slow aging and help strengthen your body.

Why is exercise so important?

Lodge and Crowley stress the importance of treating exercise like a job, especially after retirement.

Lodge describes WHY this is so important as we age. We come from hunters and gatherers who went hungry if they didn’t find something to eat. Their job was to survive.

While much has changed in our world today, our biological makeup is still rooted in our hunter-and-gatherer ancestry.  They moved. They used their bodies every day.

Our world today is so much different. We’ve become sedentary, and that usually increases as we age. When aches and pains take hold, who wants to move, right?

Remember that our bodies are programmed to do one of two things: grow or decay.

So what happens if you give in to the aches and pains and choose to sit on the couch over going for a walk? You allow your body to decay a little more than it did yesterday. What happens when you allow grief to completely take over and you stop moving? You compound the decay with inactivity plus the stress and emotional pain.

While Chris Crowley was Dr. Lodge’s patient and participant in his program, I’ll be evaluating this advice as well.

How loss affected me physically

In 2022, I was in good shape before my son got sick. I was at my ideal weight. I was eating well and walking regularly. And in what seemed like a blink of an eye, I was taking Liam to countless doctor’s appointments, waiting in the hospital after surgery, hearing the Stage 4 cancer diagnosis, and then hospice. (That brings tears just remembering all of that.)

My healthy eating and exercise routine disappeared (even though that was precisely what could have helped me). I gained 20 pounds and a wonderful poochy belly that I cannot shed.

I’m not interested in looking like I did 20 years ago, but I know the stress of watching Liam slowly die hammered my health. Earlier this year, I learned that my breast cancer had returned. I chose to have a mastectomy. Five months later, I’m doing well. I am even more committed to doing what I can to slow and reverse aging.

I’ve started walking daily for about 30 minutes. I will finish reading Younger Next Year for Women to understand more about weight training for someone like me, who’s 70. I’ll share what I learn, what I’m doing, and how to implement these suggestions to slow aging.

Think movement instead of exercise

What I know (from previous health training) is that any type of movement is beneficial. Choose what you enjoy: brisk walking, swimming, cycling, dancing, or hiking – any aerobic exercise that gets your heart rate up.

For today, start thinking about what you can do to move more. Choose to be a little more active. Any activity will help your healing process. Take this at your own pace. Move in ways you enjoy.

I’ll write about the other rules in future posts.

Remember: you are either growing or decaying. There is no judgment here. Be gentle with yourself. Simply choose what will help you get healthier—for you and your loved ones.